Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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