Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
whose parrot is this?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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