This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
