I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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