Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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