I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
