This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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