I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can I color on your dick again?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
