I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
