She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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