My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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