This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Are we still banned from the library?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
