"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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