My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
