belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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