he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
