I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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