I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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