Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
