First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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