YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
