I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
