You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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