yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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