some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Did I show you my penis last night?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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