fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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