I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
