dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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