i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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