bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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