I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
