literally had 100 drinks last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
