she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
