YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm like, not good at living.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
