Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
