Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
