So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
