wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
