Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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