I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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