you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is Oprah even human
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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