Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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