6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
