Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
