I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
