As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize