They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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