Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
