It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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