I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
