Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
