They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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