Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
