and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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