just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
