happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
