My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
