Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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