ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
