I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize