Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i think i just lost a toe
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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