You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
