Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
