im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
