I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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