guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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