whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
