Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
