you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
