I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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