I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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