i think i have herpe
just one?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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