why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
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