i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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