We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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