I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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