God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
