I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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