Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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