Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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