I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
