Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
