Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just high enough for therapy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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