I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
