I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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