I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
