We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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