Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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