I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
