Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
