Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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