Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
