I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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